Surprising things happened when I remained silent for over a year, four years ago.

According to a buddy, the parts of you that require healing tend to mend themselves when you keep quiet. He was discussing the aspects of me that had pushed me until I was too anxious to answer the door and felt ill and unhappy.

I refer to it as my year of silence, but it was really more like a year of “doing nothing” because I was merely sitting there rather than quietly reading a book or rearranging my cutlery drawer. The most difficult thing was not doing.

I discovered a lot of things that year that were not what I had anticipated. I was most startled by five things:

1. A unique meditation

My brief going in was “The less you do, the better.” Things I’d considered useful and productive—reading, writing, talking, cooking, and even cleaning—were now distractions. “Let your thoughts run,” my friend said. “Notice them if you want to, but leave them to themselves.”

And so, I just sat.

After five days I called and said, “I feel like I used to when I meditated.”

I didn’t get it. Meditation is when you focus on one thing; I was letting my mind leap about. But when you sit without distractions you start to see your thoughts for what they are, just thoughts, and as you do, you reconnect with the you beneath your thoughts.

It felt like meditation because it was meditation.

I saw a poster recently that said, “I missed meditation today, which makes seven years in a row.” That’s pretty much how I used to feel too.

Now I know that every time I just sit, without distraction, even if it’s for half an hour, it’s meditation.

2. The din of silence

Silence seems peaceful, does not it?

It isn’t.

It is similar to saying, “Okay, tell me what you truly think?” while seated next to your most scathing, profane critic.

Additionally, there were moments when I wanted to stab myself in addition to others when I felt like I was connected to everything. (I am just half serious.)

Imagine your mind as a pampered youngster who has been surrounded by toys and glitzy things all of their life—books to read, movies to watch, objectives to strive for, and games like scrabble.

There are no toys when you do nothing.

I penned this poem during one of my sly writing sessions.

Getting down on one knee
My head wants to be under the covers, near my knees, and nowhere else.

I just wanted to let you know that things can get gnarly; there is not any positive message at this stage.

3. A year of minutes

You have an obsessive need to do things. It hardly gives a damn about what you do.

It is comparable to a heroin addict. Not even heroin? I will have some crack. I will take the footage of the cat wearing a shark suit. I finished the most recent Walking Dead episode.

I just stopped doing lark for a single day, but I continued because it felt natural for the first time in a long time. But my brain believed I was a loser. It stated things such as:

“This is how you’re going to get anywhere!”

“Let us write about this on our new blog.”

“India was visited by Elizabeth Gilbert. You ought to visit India.

Learn Māori, please. That is what you have always desired to do.

The want to act was overwhelming. It was epic, too. Mighty. And enormous. I believe we have conveyed our point, thanks to the thesaurus.

And all the awesome things I was coming up with only made it worse. That is what silence does. Some of them were really cool, too.

I could not stop thinking.

Early on, I saw that the difficulty was not enduring for a year, but rather persevering till noon.

Minute by minute was the only way through. Not by reflecting on how incredibly quiet I had been the day before—nice thought—or by planning for the future, but by living in the present.

It became easier with time. My mind stopped talking so much because it was sick of being ignored.

4. The wrong guy for the job

Nothing compares to truly understanding your thoughts through observation.

I was unaware of how controlling it was. How anxious it was. Or that it is so afraid of change that it will stop at nothing to keep things the way they are, even if that means you are too nervous to answer the door or that you are caught in whatever hole or habit you may be in.

I started to comprehend the fundamental nature of my thinking. And how being on the lookout for danger is the most crucial thing for the psyche.

I came to the realization that I was the issue, not my thoughts. I had assigned it the incorrect task. I had erroneously given it control over my life.

My intellect told me to strive harder, even if my body was telling me to relax.

My thoughts would say, “But no one else does it like that,” whenever I had an idea for something. Thus, neither did I.

I continuously let my intellect triumph over instinct and innate wisdom. I tried to control the energy and rhythm of life rather than letting it flow through me.

Allowing your thoughts to take control of your life is like to asking your inner child to plan the next presidential campaign; she lacks the necessary skills and spends much of her time attempting to appear respectable in front of her peers.

5. The holy grail—acceptance

Finding equilibrium is aided by silence.

Silence can take many forms. Meditation is silence. Being silent is ineffective. Standing in line without looking at your phone might be silent.

You can realize that your thinking is only one aspect of who you are when you are silent. You can hear your smart inner voice better when you are silent.

However, I also discovered something much more profound and significant: the shark suit is secret.

People make a lot of effort. At everything. For example, I once tried so hard at nothing that I developed a phobia. (Yep.) You may be wondering if I could be as at ease and relaxed as Lisa if I kept quiet for a year.

First of all, LOL about my constant sense of peace. Second, that is just your thoughts.

Living life day to day is the key to feeling confident and at ease, not some difficult trip like going a year without speaking.

I am frequently asked how I manage to stay composed and “positive” all the time. You don’t, is the response. Give up trying. And as soon as you do, the positive moments begin to grow and the negative ones begin to fade.

When you have a moment of clarity, you have it. However, those other unclear situations are also entirely acceptable.

This is all right when you are thinking something nice and life-affirming, but so are all those grumpy, less-than-life-affirming ideas.

The idea is to practice acceptance.