Life changing moments often come from chaos.

Four years ago, my life was in disarray. I felt like I had hit a brick wall in my career. I thought I was in a relationship, but in reality, it was a one-way path dragging me through a long and difficult journey.

I only took care of myself when I remembered to or during erratic periods of peace or clarity in the midst of the small emotional maelstrom I was whirling around in.

I just focused on getting by each day.

I felt jaded, physically unwell, and on the verge of despair due to the accumulated toxicity of all these wrongs.

Fortunately for me (though I did not think of myself as fortunate at the time), one minor decision I made brought everything to a head right before Christmas 2013.

I walked away—for good—after deciding I would had enough.

My life took a positive turn that very moment, despite the anguish. I felt lighter. Relieved. Free. As though I could finally sleep like a baby with my head resting on my pillow.

I had also quit my full-time job and been working for myself by that point.

I was all set to go.

Prior to that, though, I spent months in a self-imposed time of rehabilitation, reflecting on all that had gone wrong over the previous two years, why I had allowed it to happen, and what I was going to do to not only move ahead but upward.

I was a “yes” person.

I never refused to do whatever that was requested of me.

Why?

because I desired everyone’s approval and acceptance. I reasoned that perhaps this individual would not love me if I said no.

In retrospect, it became evident how absurd and harmful this way of thinking was. Someone would always be outraged or upset with me, regardless of my efforts or actions. Being a “yes” person was exhausting, making me bitter and angry.

The more I said yes, the more I allowed myself to be used and the more I put myself in circumstances I would later regret.

I felt emancipated when I finally said no for the first time when I had reached my breaking point. So I continued to do it as much as I had to.

Things started to feel simpler. With less responsibilities, I had more time to devote to healing, re-grouping, and the people I genuinely wanted to spend time with.

Your “yes” transformation: Get comfortable saying no. Even if you tried, you would never be able to please everyone, and you should not feel pressured to. You will also learn how to say yes just when you really mean it by doing this. You will begin to make better choices based on your instincts rather than peer pressure or a persistent need for approval or affirmation.

Nourishing my body was not my priority. 

Having to choose between an extra big pizza and salad for lunch is the last thing you want to do when everything appears to be going wrong and you are feeling lost, confused, depressed, and anxious.

During a difficult, stressful time, eating may not even be on your mind.

The problem is that I have been on both extremes of the spectrum, overeating and then going days without eating at all when life became too much. I ended up looking and feeling worse than I already did with either choice.

Too little nutrition left me feeling weak and incapable of handling life, while unwanted weight gain reduced my self-esteem and increased my everyday anxieties.

I adjusted by making my meals simpler—I ate more salads and fruit, which required little preparation and less cooking. I allow others to bring me food and cook for me.

Every day, I took a multivitamin. Whenever I could, I snacked. I made every effort to schedule my meals so that I would always be reminded to eat. I was aware that I could not weather this storm if I did not eat. My dietary habits also changed as I recovered.

Your diet makeover: Recognize that it is acceptable to make poor food choices when you are having trouble taking care of yourself. Let people assist you; it is acceptable.

Make it a point to feed your body by giving your mealtimes greater structure. To improve your mood, eat with friends. The happiness will return.

I held on to toxic relationships.

I would experience doubt, sadness, agitation, unease, or just plain exhaustion, as if the wind had been knocked out of my sails, if I was in the wrong company. On the other hand, I felt light, fun, relaxed, inspired, encouraged, and supported when I was among the appropriate people.

I developed rules that would facilitate the process of weeding out people as I grew stronger and began making firm decisions about who could remain in my life and who would be fired.

If someone

• kept taking without ever returning the favor to me or anybody else.
  
• twisted every argument to make it seem like I was at fault.
  
• minimized my feelings and aspirations
  
• verbally assaulted me
  
• told me a lie.
  
• was unwilling to accept accountability for their errors and would rather assign blame.

I turned to leave. There are no exceptions. Spending too little time with the wrong people is a waste of life.

Your toxic relationship makeover: When someone in your life does something to offend you, give them three chances to make amends. If nothing changes after three strikes, do not just walk away; instead, run. This may sound harsh, but it has given me back control over my life, my peace of mind, and who I want and do not want in it.

I stopped dreaming.

Maintaining the fires in your soul requires faith and perseverance, which is even more important when you are exhausted and suffering from emotional and spiritual wounds.

I continued in this manner for years until I felt so stuck that I finally gave up dreaming and hoping.

My self-imposed “rehab” period was ideal for providing much-needed care for this aspect of my spirit.

I devoured as many books as I could to rekindle my passions. I was able to reconstruct my spirit, reality, and dreams with the aid of Danielle LaPorte’s The Fire Starter Sessions, Jonathan Fields’ Uncertainty, Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, and Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth.

Excavating, exploring, adjusting, re-discovering, and creating took up a lot of my time.

I began to connect rather than avoid, made peace with my errors and poor choices, and opened myself up to deeper talks.

Eventually, tiny sparks developed into enormous flames.

Your ideal transformation Take your time to resurrect your dreams because they did not die overnight. Determining what you truly want will help you make the initial decisions you need to make.

Try this easy yet effective exercise: “What do I want to accomplish?” ask yourself. Then, five times, ask why you came up with that response, and so on.

From here, begin rekindling your passion.

Too much stillness crept into my life.

I began to feel more and more physically and emotionally burdened as the gloomy clouds surrounding me grew larger and darker. Everywhere I went, I dragged my feet. The idea of working out seemed like a nuisance, consuming energy that I did not feel I had left.

So I slowed down a little.

I consequently began to feel unwell, lethargic, and stagnant. I enjoyed experiencing my typical rush of endorphins and excitement after working out, but I was unable to get going.

Walking and yoga, on the other hand, were two activities that I could do that I felt were therapeutic and good for my physical health. High-speed, high-intensity circuits that required as many rounds as possible were not my thing just yet. And it was all right, too.

I increased my use of gentle stretches, rhythmic, breath-centered sun salutations, and long, head-space-clearing walks because they were my rescue.

Your movement transformation: When it comes to working out, do what feels good for you at the correct time. You do not have to push yourself to keep up with a hard and quick program just because you are not in the correct frame of mind for it.

You risk getting hurt and not getting the most out of your workout if you do not follow your gut (and body). Just getting outside and moving could have a huge impact if you have never exercised.

However, do not remain motionless.

You will develop a deeper kind of strength if you practice self-compassion and learn to adapt to the wind.

Are you currently experiencing a dark period or recovering from one?

Which toxic habit makeover most appeals to you, and what steps do you intend to take to change it?